Dear Nolan

Dear Nolan,

I blinked and you turned 2 and a half!!!! I haven't done a blog post in foreverrr. So let's see,

Thanksgiving was low key. You spent the day at Pop pop’s house and spent another year refusing to try the turkey, amongst many other delicious foods that we had. My favorite part about the holiday though was the parade. You loved watching the parade, loved it. If Grammy were here she would be so excited and probably be planning a trip to Philly next year to get us on the train and take us to their parade. She loved the parades. I think her favorite Thanksgiving was probably the year our entire family spent the holiday in New York City. She was up early and ready to go grab her spot on Thanksgiving morning for the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Watching the parade with you and seeing you excited filled me with joy.

Christmas is fast approaching. I mean fast, like too fast. This year we took you to a fun little Santa event at the Bowie Baysox Stadium and the Oriole bird was there among other mascots. You were not a happy camper at all. You insisted on me carrying you and you hid your little head anytime Santa or a mascot came near. You were not having it.

We went to cut our Christmas tree down this past weekend and the place we go (TLV Tree farm) has a Santa there. We decided we would get the whole sitting on Santa’s lap picture over and down with. So, before we went to cut down the tree we went into the shop and made sure not to let you see Santa while we stood in the quick line. You did not see him and mama became a nervous wreck because I knew you would hate it. I was so nervous that I forgot to take off your hat, mittens and winter coat. The cute little Christmas shirt you had on was not seen in the pictures we snapped, but don’t worry we won’t take you to sit on Santa’s lap anymore. Needless to say, as expected you hated it. You screamed your head off, but you got over it rather quickly once we opened the candy cane that Santa gave you.

You currently think Christmas is over. We cut down and decorated the tree and you saw Santa and he gave you a treat. In other words, the candy cane and coloring book that Santa gave you were enough. J I keep trying to explain to you, but I think you are in for a real surprise.

We have been keeping very busy. We went to My Gym (or as you call it mommy's gym because you can't understand the name, hehe!) with your friends for Cookies with Santa. We made sure to inform you that you do NOT have to sit on Santa’s lap.  You didn't even have to look at him. You still freaked out. :( We have gone to a train garden and decorated a gingerbread house. You enjoy those Christmas activites a lot more. 

You continue to grow and amaze your daddy and I every single day. You have always been a big talker, but these past few months, holy cow, the things you say. You crack us up. Oh, and lately you started saying ‘crap’. I asked you who said that and you said ‘Aunt Lainy’. Busted.

You love to sing and make up your own random songs. You love to make animal noises and pretend that there are all different animals in the house, car, wherever we are. You love sports, obviously. Daddy took you to the driving range for your very first time and you did amazing. You were using a right handed club backwards that was too big for you so that you could hit left handed and you were still crushing the ball. I mean, you hit some shots better than your mama.

You learned to write “Nol”. You love to draw hearts, circles and boats. Yup, boats. You are really doing well writing letters and you simply are a little sponge that loves to soak up learning.

You are amazing kiddo. Even though you aren’t a Santa fan and there will be some Christmas traditions and activities we do that you may not get too excited about (Santa on a fire truck coming down our street tonight!! Mommy can't wait, but I am sure you won't like it) I am still so excited for the holidays this year and I cannot wait to see your sleepy little face on Christmas morning.   

I will upload a Christmas album to show all the fun we have had in the next few weeks. 

I love you so much!!!

Love,

Mommy

xoxoxo

My trip to the ER

Let me take you back to June 20, 2014 - my morning started out rough. I woke up around 5am with sharp shooting pains running up my entire right side. By 8am I was able to nod back off to sleep. Ryan was off for summer vacation so he took Nolan to daycare and then headed to the gym. When he called to check on me I told him that I wasn’t getting any better and at that point I had called out of work. All I kept telling him was that the pain was something I had never felt before. It didn’t feel normal.

I tried to lie down on the couch. I tried to lie down on the recliner and I really just couldn’t lie down. Every time I would get the shooting pain running up my side into my shoulder blade. It got so bad at one point I fell to the ground in tears. That is the moment Ryan picked me up and told me he was taking me to the hospital.

Hospitals freak me out. I called my dad immediately when I got in the car. In tears I told him we where we were going and that I probably had appendicitis, kidney stones, gull stones or something wrong me. He calmed me.

When we pulled up to the ER I tried to act calm and mentally tell myself that the pain was gone, but it wasn’t. After 8 hours in the ER (thank you to my sister for picking Nolan up from daycare, picking up Chuggins, taking care of them and keeping them over night) it was finally time to be seen. Mind you every time I sat down I had sharp shooting pains and I hate when people see me in pain so I really just paced the waiting room and bit my lip, cringing in pain for 8 miserable hours. They even bumped people ahead of me in front of my face. Just when I was at my whit’s end they finally called my name.

When the nurse saw me they first asked routine questions, “when was your last period?” stuff like that. I had just had my period at the beginning of the month, but some part of me felt the need to tell them the date followed up with a, “but we are trying”. Ryan just looked at me as if to say ,why do they need to know that?

Well, the news that the ER doctor delivered next caught Ryan and I both off guard and in shock. “You are pregnant.” As most do when they find out news like this, I smiled. Immediately, reality sunk in and I felt sad, scared and worried for my precious baby.

I honestly was hoping for an appendicitis, kidney stones, gull stones, something. Any of those would do. Please let it be a hernia. I was taken immediately for an ultrasound. It was horrible. I could not lie down. I was in tears from the pain. My wonderful ER nurse felt sympathy for me and got the OK to give me pain meds. My husband stayed by my side the entire time. I cringed on the table looking for that tiny jelly bean shaped baby and to hear my baby's heartbeat. I felt hopeful that the baby could be ok and that this pain running all the way up to my shoulder was something completely not related.

My OBGYN was on call at the hospital that evening. He delivered the worst news possible about 30 minutes after I had been seen for the ultrasound. I was miscarrying. But it wasn’t a “normal” miscarriage. The pain was because I was bleeding internally and I was told that I had to have surgery immediately. I had to sign off on blood transfusion paperwork. I was told that it is possible that my tube burst and I was having a tubular miscarriage. I was told I may have to have either my tube or ovary removed. Everything was unclear and the only thing that was visible is that I was internally bleeding and that if I wouldn’t have gone to the hospital I would have lost so much blood that I would have eventually passed out. I was flooded with horrible news in a matter of minutes. I cried.

Ryan stayed strong, held my hand and told me everything would be ok. I told him he had to call my sister immediately and she could be responsible for filling in my dad, brother, his parents, etc… Ryan was strong until he made that phone call. He got choked up and at that point I lost it. Seeing him scared only terrified me more.

The next part is fuzzy. I can barely even remember going into the operating room. I just remember having to say goodbye to Ryan and being shaken with fear. The surgery that was performed on me was a laparotomy for an ectopic pregnancy. Just that fast, I was no longer pregnant.

Through this horrific journey there was some “good” news. My tubes were fine, neither had burst. My ovaries were healthy. Well, there was a cyst that was bleeding on one of them, but my doctor told me the cyst was from the pregnancy. Neither my tubes nor ovaries had to be removed during the surgery. There was a lot of blood, but I did not need a blood transfusion. From what I remember, the doctor was still unclear as to what had really happened.

I stayed in the hospital overnight and then was anxious to get home to Nolan the next day. The recovery was similar to that of a C-section. I was told not to lift Nolan for 2 weeks. That caused more tears, for both of us, throughout the recovery process.

The recovery doesn’t seem to end. When you miscarry the pain stays with you. What helped more than anything though, the support from my family and my friends. The outpouring love and well wishes for a speedy recovery, friends taking the time to cook for us, everything. It really just blew me away.

I am grateful. I am grateful for the people in my life. I am grateful that I do have a healthy, happy little boy that fills our lives with more happiness than I can even describe. I am grateful for everyone how has helped us through this obstacle in our lives.

I am sad. I am sad that anyone has to go through this. It is emotionally and physically draining. I am sad for the amount of women that are close to me and that I have come to know have experienced this loss. My heart hurts so badly for them.

I feel guilty. I feel guilty about the emotions and struggles I have had because I am fortunate to have a healthy child. It is hard to describe. I have struggled with this miscarriage, and yet I feel guilty for being sad. It might not make sense to some and be hard to comprehend. The reason I feel this way is because I do know that I have been blessed, and honestly it is because I want those I know who have had a similar experience to so badly have a healthy pregnancy, birth and child. I so badly want this for them. My guilt is because I was fortunate to have already experienced all those things with Nolan and that as a result I feel like I should not be sad.

The statistic is unreal, 1 in 4 women miscarry. That is 25% of all pregnancies. Unreal.

When you date everything back, Ryan and I had put the plan in motion to extend our family back in March. We got pregnant in May, unbeknownst to ourselves due to my false period in June. After the surgery, I was scared. The idea of becoming pregnant again became so scary to me that here we are in October and everything is finally starting to feel ok again.

Maybe, just maybe, there will be another little Hurd baby in our future. I will hope for the best. I do firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. I will continue to feel blessed that I do have a little boy that brings a smile to my face every second of every day. I am blessed to have such a strong family and friends as my support system. I am blessed to be able to share stories with some of the people closest in my life and have so many to lean on. Through all of this, I am grateful.

 

Posted with Blogsy

Happy Halloween

A look at our Halloween through lens :)

Pumpkin carving preparation. Nolan wanted me to carve a mummy, but it was far more advanced than my simple Jack-o-lantern skills could handle. He was still pleased!

2012 Pumpkin ~ 2013 Monster ~ 2014 Jake the Neverland Pirate

Last year we started the tradition of having everyone over to our house. We have pizza and then set out to trick-or-treat. We follow up the evening by letting the kids get into every toy and wear themselves out. This year they played hard. I hope we forever keep this tradition because I love every minute of it. 



Jake, Izzy and Superman

The Incredibles!!

Aun, I apologize that these are the family pictures that Ryan captured. I should have taken the camera from him before we even started.

The most adorable little Bubble Guppy!!

A little dinner date before we went trick-or-treating!

And now, a lot of trick-or-treating pictures,



Maybe the greatest photobomb ever?

Pumpkin down.

 

This will forever be the Halloween that Aunt Jamie's autographed Eddie Murray baseball was given to Nolan by Jamie's mama. Don't worry, we sent it back home with Aunt Jamie!  

Uncle Ry and Lily :)

These kiddos did so well trick-or-treating! They all loved it and probably would have kept going had we not turned around and headed back home. Oh, the years to come!

2013 ~ 2014

They have grown SO much.

And of course, we ended the night with some cuddles. Mama's boy indeed and I LOVE it.

Fall fun

We love fall in the Hurd household! From the decorations to the delicious smelling candles, slow cooker meals and pumpkin patches ever weekend. We I love it. We have been so busy lately that I haven't had time to blog. So instead I just created a photo album on Facebook of our latest happenings. Although I must be getting old because I couldn't figure out how to caption the pictures.

This year I assumed would be the last year that I would get a say in Nolan's Halloween costume. Wrong. I have an extremely opinionated 2 year old. The boy is not even 2.5 years old, but he sure does know what he wants (and doesn't want). So, we started out asking him what he wanted to be and got all kinds of answers, cow, rooster, Jake, Dora, Boots, dog. I assumed this would continue so since he had mentioned Jake from Jake and the Neverland pirates I went with it and bought him the costume. He loved it! Then...he started saying he wanted to be a doggy. Then he was saying he wanted to be a doggy and would get on all fours and say "woof, woof, woof"! So I started to look at dog costumes. At this point my very stubborn child threw at me, "I want to be a white doggy, I don't want my Jake costume." I felt I needed to remind him that he is 2 and I should be picking and am confused at how he is already to the point of deciding his Halloween costume on him own.

So, I have been searching for a white dog costume and have not had any luck, but I found a brown dog. Well turns out he is scared of the dog costume and refuses to even look at it. So, he is back to wanting to be Jake. I suppose he will remain with that choice, but stay tuned.

I am looking forward to Halloween this year! Last year we started a little tradition with the Hastings and Ainsworth families and I hope we continue to do so!

Larriland farm apple picking with cousins-

Clark's farm feeding animals and pumpkin picking with friends-

Gaver farm cider donuts, animals and pumpkin patch with all our friends-

Playing imaginary baseball in the middle of the "pumpkin patch"

This next picture sums up how busy life is right now-

 

Posted with Blogsy